I heard a quote once that goes something like this: "Sadness is just a wall between two gardens."
I started to think about a picture of a garden and what my garden - my life - might look like. To understand my own garden, I must understand what I've walked through to get there. I know sadness and distress, confusion and loss just as I know joy, laughter, community and love. I've walked through the walls of these things and so much more to know how it all feels.
You know the feeling where you're living in the fulfillment of so many dreams, yet longing for more? When you dance on the unanswered prayers, yet you sit in the midst of so much that's been answered?
I had all of these dreams that I prayed for in seasons past:
Dreams of helping people.
Dreams of an unbroken heart.
Dreams of helping women and children.
Dreams of teaching and creating.
Dreams of a fun and adventerous life.
Dreams I had not yet fathomed.
These dreams are my current reality. These things have shaped my current growing garden.
When I gave myself permission to venture through these walls, everything changed. I was stepping into this unexplored territory in my heart. These walls needed to be explored and discovered for me to fully delight in my process.
I sit in this odd in between where it feels as though I'm literally between walls in my garden. How can my heart ache and long so much when I'm in the midst of so much good? I'm in the fulfillment of so many things I've prayed for in seasons past, yet I still long. I'm in between dreams. I'm in one garden passing through the walls. I'm watching the garden grow with each new plant and season.
I have a brilliant friend, a soon-to-be-author and doer of wonderful things, Heather, that said,
"To live whole-heartedly might mean that we experience seasons in which is seems that God has withheld from us, we are waiting and hoping with no indication that the promise is forthcoming. But when the seasons change, we realize that in our pain and longing we have sown a beautiful garden of delight that we will relish in when the storms of confusion and waiting have passed. We will dance in the fields of flowers that have bloomed suddenly out of once barren lands."
This is my in between. Here, I learn to love it. Here, I must love it. I must grow it. I must nurture it and cherish it so that my garden can bear fruit, multiply and grow with time.
I dance on the unanswered, and here I learn that all of it is W I L D & B E A U T I F U L and perfectly in process.
Alex + Ikat is about a girl named Alex and her process of creating beauty. Artwork is done with marker and colored pencil, inspired by the garden that each of us are creating. Follow Alex + Ikat on Instagram for more. Also, read more from my friends Heather and Chris Freytes on Filtered Thought.